How to Let Your Boyfriend Your Husband Know That Sometimes He Is Wrong and Should Appreciate You
How to Effectively Approach Your Partner Nigh Relationship Problems
June xiii, 2013 • Contributed by Irene Hansen Savarese, LMFT
For couples to communicate effectively and be able to accost issues together, the partners need to focus on their respective roles and responsibilities every bit the listening or the talking partner.
In my GoodTherapy.org article published last month, I wrote almost the responsibilities of the listening partner to ensure effective communication. In this article, I will exist discussing the talking partner's responsibilities.
As the talking partner, or initiator, you lot take several options in addressing issues. One is to attack your partner with a list of complaints in a mode that shows you don't believe that anything will modify. If this is your option, your partner is virtually likely going to defend him/herself past returning burn with a similar listing of complaints or shutting down emotionally to avert further critique and escalating conflict. As yous probably accept experienced, attacking your partner is not conductive to the two of y'all achieving a real understanding of each other's differences.
When couples run into a pattern of attacking and/or fugitive beliefs, they are reacting emotionally to each other's complaints and critiques. Partners often have mixed feelings of anger and hurt. Furthermore, they nigh likely feel disrespected and mistreated by the other partner while they behave disrespectfully in plow. In this kind of vicious wheel, there is little goodwill, understanding of each other's thoughts and feelings, or willingness to discuss unlike perspectives or points of view.
I advise that you expect at some other option: refusing to react emotionally, taking a proactive stance, and preparing yourself before initiating a conversation with your partner.
Below are questions to inquire yourself earlier you initiate a conversation with your partner:
- What is nearly important to you? Choose one topic to talk most. Stick to your topic throughout the conversation.
- What is your intention with the conversation? Exercise you want your partner to understand you lot better? Exercise you desire to feel closer to your partner? Practice you want an apology? Or do you want to punish your partner? If you are very upset, you might desire to wait until yous take calmed yourself and thought well-nigh your intention(s).
- What is the message that you lot want your partner to hear? What practise you want your partner to understand about you lot?
- How do you lot want your partner to feel after the conversation? Do yous want your partner to experience closer to you and hopeful about your future together? Or exercise you desire your partner to feel guilty, shameful, and/or angry or injure?
- How can y'all deliver your bulletin and then that the probability of your partner actually hearing you is the highest? What would be the best manner to talk nearly your event?
Here are a few more points to consider earlier yous sit down with your partner for a conversation most what is of import to you:
- Employ "I" linguistic communication instead of "you" linguistic communication. If the conversation is more about you than your partner, it is easier for your partner to concentrate on what you are saying.
- Don't attack your partner. Talk about how yous feel and remember near your topic.
- Don't defend yourself. Talk about what is virtually of import to you lot.
- Endeavor to take 5 positive statements for each negative argument. Don't forget to say what you appreciate well-nigh your partner.
Basically, how do you want to talk well-nigh your consequence? Write down your points to continue your focus. Cull an appropriate time and identify to present your idea in a new and more constructive way. Brand sure you inquire your partner when a good fourth dimension is for him/her to beginning. Too, make sure to tell your partner that you desire him/her to be the initiator at a later time, and that you are willing to actively listen to what your partner has to say.
Practicing initiating a chat almost an important topic tin improve your power to communicate finer with your partner.
© Copyright 2013 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Irene Hansen Savarese, LMFT
The preceding article was solely written past the author named to a higher place. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared past GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article tin can be directed to the writer or posted as a comment below.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-effectively-approach-your-partner-about-relationship-issues-0613135
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